AniTubbies
by Salad Shooter
Summary: Yes! More Animorphs and Teletubbies ... and more of the author making fun of herself ... another trip into Salad Shooter's sick, twisted mind ... PLEASE REVIEW! :) Pretty please? (I finally switched this out of the Crossovers section to over here! :) )
1. Crazy

****

Rachel's note: Yes, another one by Salad Shooter. Hey, I don't write big long stories like Salad Shooter does (even though this is not very long). I write song-fics and occasionally help Salad Shooter with her "big long stories".  
  
**Salad Shooter's note**: No offense to Ani-fans, or Tubbylikers. I like both Animorphs and Teletubbies (okay, call me insane). This is not a "hate story". No, I don't hate Marco or Dipsy. No, I don't have a self-esteem problem!  
  
Also, believe it or not, this is a prologue to my other Animorph stories. You'll see how at the end. It also drops a few hints about them ... 

______________________________________________________

  
  
**CAST:**  
  
**_Purple Tinky Winky _– Jake  
  
_Blue Tinky Winky _– Tobias  
  
_Dipsy _– Marco  
  
_Laa-Laa _– Rachel  
  
_Po _– Cassie  
  
_Noo-noo _– Ax  
  
_Narrator _– Ellimist  
  
_Director _– Salad Shooter  
**  
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

****

Jake: (_flips a coin_) Winner gets blue costume.  
  
**Tobias**: Tails!  
  
**Jake**: Oh crap. It's tails.  
  
**Salad Shooter**: Teletubbies don't cuss.  
  
**Cassie**: Don't worry, Jake. I've always thought you looked handsome in purple.  
  
**Marco**: Oh puh-lease.  
  
**Jake**: Thanks, Cassie. You're sweet.  
  
**Marco**: Hey Ax, have you tried the tubby toast yet?  
  
_-Slurping is heard from the Noo-noo costume.-_  
  
**Ax**: Tastes like ... cinnamon ... bun-zuh! And the custard ... duh ... is like ... the extra frosting. Ing. Inguh. Ing-guh! Inginginginginginginging — "  
  
**Tobias**: Am I supposed to be a hawk in this thing?  
  
**Rachel**: No duh. Morph human.  
  
**Tobias**: Have you talked to the director yet? About the, uh, stupid little dances?  
  
**Marco**: Yeah. I told him that most of us would prefer not to do them. I said Rachel and I were the only ones who wanted to.  
  
**Rachel**: (_kicks Marco's butt_) What did the director say?  
  
**Marco**: (_goes rolling across the ground_) Well, there's one good thing about wearing this costume. When you do that it doesn't hurt.  
  
**Tobias**: That's what the director said?  
  
**Rachel**: (_starts jumping up and down on Marco_) Now this is what being a Teletubby is all about.  
  
**Marco**: Hey! Well — ow — the director — said — she — would — not — have anyone — do the — stupid — dances.  
  
**Rachel**: Hey! Director! Is jumping on people allowed?  
  
**Salad Shooter**: (_pretends to look it up_) Jumping on another is not allowed — except on Dipsy. Rachel, would you like some help?  
  
**Rachel**: I can handle him.  
  
**Salad Shooter**: Well duh.  
  
**Jake**: Please tell me none of us have to wear that stupid skirt.  
  
**Salad Shooter**: None of you have to wear that stupid skirt. Except Dipsy.  
  
**Marco**: What?  
  
**Salad Shooter**: Kidding, Marco.  
  
**Rachel**: Why is it that my costume is smaller than Marco's? That's just not right!  
  
**Cassie**: Well, at least they got mine right. Jake? Tobias? Are you guys ready?  
  
**Tobias** and **Jake**: Yeah.  
  
**Rachel**: This is the first and only time I'll really hate to say this, but ... Let's do it!  
  
**Ellimist**: ONE DAY IN TELETUBBYLAND ... WHY DO ALL THE EPISODES START THAT WAY?  
  
**Salad Shooter**: For the same reason the Animorph books always start "My name is Whatever."  
  
**Marco**: It is? Hi, Whatever. I'm Marco the Magnificent.  
  
**Salad Shooter**: (_kicks Marco's butt_)  
  
**Ellimist**: ONE DAY IN TELETUBBYLAND, THE TELETUBBIES WERE GOING FOR A WALK.  
  
_–Silence.-_  
  
**Salad Shooter**: (_hissing_) Guys!  
  
**Jake**: Oh yeah. Uh ... going for a walk. Walk walk walk.  
  
**Rachel**: Suddenly Laa-Laa jumped on Dipsy and kicked his butt.  
  
**Salad Shooter**: Rachel! Not yet!  
  
**Rachel**: You mean I actually get to kick Marco's butt?  
  
**Salad Shooter**: Oh ... go on, Ellimist.  
  
**Ellimist**: SUDDENLY —   
  
**Marco**: It's always suddenly.  
  
**Rachel**: (_whacks Marco_)  
  
**Ellimist**: (_sighs_) SUDDENLY —   
  
**Visser Three**: (_suddenly leaping into view_) What? The Andalite bandits? Here?  
  
**Jake**: Uh-oh.  
  
**Cassie**: (_yelling at Salad Shooter_) Let me see your script!  
  
**Salad Shooter**: Whoa, Po. Calm down.  
  
**Cassie**: (_jumps on Salad Shooter and takes her script_) Why does it suddenly stop after the Ellimist says "suddenly"?  
  
**Salad Shooter**: Because that's when Visser Three's supposed to arrive.  
  
**Cassie**: (_accusingly_) You told Visser Three to come here!  
  
**Salad Shooter**: (_defensively_) I had to incorporate him into the story somehow. And there are no bad guys in Teletubbies. So —   
  
**Jake**: I personally was looking forward to a story without Visser Three.  
  
**Salad Shooter**: (_defensively again_) Visser Three is cool.  
  
**Marco**: You are insane.  
  
**Salad Shooter**: Look who's talking.  
  
**Marco**: You are as insane as her. (_points at Rachel, who is beating up Visser Three_)  
  
**Salad Shooter**: Hey! Let me help!  
  
**Tobias**: You said he was cool.  
  
**Salad Shooter**: That doesn't mean I can't beat him up.  
  
**Marco**: Remember when I said you were insane? Let me multiply that by, oh, a million.  
  
**Salad Shooter**: Real funny, Marco — I mean Dipsy. (_tries to ride Visser Three like a horse, but falls off_)  
  
**Rachel**: (_tries to jump on Visser Three, misses, and lands on Salad Shooter_)  
  
**Salad Shooter**: Mmmph unh mmmph. Rrrff nhff.  
  
**Marco**: Intelligent conversation.  
  
**Rachel**: (_getting off Salad Shooter_) Oh. Sorry, Salad.  
  
**Salad Shooter**: I am not a salad. I shoot them.  
  
**Jake**: You'll be one soon. We have problems.  
  
**Visser Three**: (_whips his tail blade around, trying to remove Tobias's head, but discovers the Tinky Winky costume is too big to decapitate_) Arrrghhh!  
  
**Rachel**: (_kicks Visser Three_)  
  
**Salad Shooter**: Hey, that's not nice.  
  
**Rachel**: You were trying to help before.  
  
**Ax**: Cinnamon bun-zuh — what?  
  
**Visser Three**: (_tries to slice Ax in half, but his tail blade won't penetrate the Noo-noo costume_)  
  
**Ax**: (_whacks Visser Three with his vacuum nozzle thingy_) Having fun, Visser?  
  
**Visser Three**: You Andalites will pay!  
  
**Salad Shooter** and **Marco**: We don't have any money.  
  
**Visser Three**: I don't know where you acquired your new morphs, and I don't especially care. I just want you to know that you look really ... really ... stupid.  
  
**Salad Shooter**: Hey! Teletubbies are cool!  
  
**Marco**: Don't be dissin' Laa-Laa!  
  
**Rachel**: You two are nuts nuts nuts. Wacko.  
  
**Marco**: You know we're the cutest — whatevers — you've ever seen, Visser.  
  
**Visser Three**: You'll be even cuter when you have no heads.  
  
**Salad Shooter**: (_tries to beat up Visser Three_)  
  
**Rachel**: (_runs to help her_)  
  
**Marco**: You jealous, Visser?  
  
**Visser Three**: Of what? Your new morphs?  
  
**Marco**: Of the fact that we are cuter than you are.  
  
**Rachel**: Except for Dipsy.  
  
**Marco**: Hey!  
  
**Jake**: I feel like a dork.  
  
**Ax**: Again, I have to ask: What is a dork, Prince Jake?  
  
**Jake**: Don't call me prince.  
  
**Ax**: Yes, Prince Jake.  
  
**Marco**: (_points at Visser Three_) He is a dork.  
  
**Salad Shooter**: (_still beating up Visser Three with Rachel_) He is not!  
  
**Ax**: Ah. I see. (goes into Tubbytronic Superdome, muttering to himself about humans and Marco and crazy Hork-Bajir)  
  
**Rachel**: (_momentarily incapacitates Visser Three by trying to ride him like a horse_)  
  
**Visser Three**: (is nearly flattened by the large yellow Teletubby on his back) Get off!  
  
**Rachel**: Help me, Tobias!  
  
**Tobias**: (_further incapacitates Visser Three_)  
  
**Jake**: What are we doing?  
  
**Salad Shooter**: It's going the way I planned.  
  
**Cassie**: Then that's the last time YOU'RE the director.  
  
**Tobias**: You can say that again.  
  
**Cassie**: Then that's the last time YOU'RE the director.  
  
**Jake**: He didn't mean literally.  
  
**Cassie**: What, I can't make a joke?  
  
**Marco**: I am the only one allowed to be humorous.  
  
**Salad Shooter**: (_jumping on Visser Three_) Too bad.  
  
**Tobias**: Marco, we could use some help.  
  
**Marco**: (_uses Visser Three for a chair_) HONK  
  
**Visser Three**: GET OFF YOU IDIOT!!!  
  
**Rachel**: Marco may be an idiot —   
  
**Marco**: Hey!  
  
**Rachel**: — but he is not getting off.  
  
**Visser Three**: (_tries to get at Salad Shooter with his tail_)  
  
**Salad Shooter**: Stop it or I'll quit sticking up for you.  
  
**Jake**: You really think that is going to stop him?  
  
**Salad Shooter**: Well ...  
  
**Jake**: You are nuts.  
  
**Salad Shooter**: Well, I'm just glad none of you are going to morph to squirrel.  
  
**Marco**: (_groans_) That is so not funny.  
  
**Salad Shooter**: I have heard worse from you.  
  
**Rachel**: Yeah.  
  
**Ellimist**: YOUR HALF HOUR IS ALMOST UP.  
  
**Salad Shooter**: What half hour?  
  
**Ellimist**: THE SHOW ONLY LASTS A HALF HOUR.  
  
**Salad Shooter**: It used to. But now I am the director. And I say it lasts forever.  
  
**Marco**: WHAT?!!  
  
**Salad Shooter**: It used to. But now —   
  
**Marco**: Salad Shooter!!!   
  
**Salad Shooter**: Shut up Dipsy and help me.  
  
**Marco**: I am helping. I have not gotten up. That is helping.  
  
_-A whirring sound is heard. **Erek the Chee** appears.-_  
  
**Salad Shooter**: (_to Erek_) Didn't I tell you to shut that thing off?  
  
**Erek**: I couldn't find the switch. I was just going to tell you that.  
  
_-Music starts playing.-_  
  
**Salad Shooter**: I hate this part. Stupid windmill.  
  
**Marco**: Yay. We get to watch TV.  
  
**Tobias**: Jake? Uh, I mean, Tinky Winky, which of us goes?  
  
**Jake**: Me.  
  
**Tobias**: Okay. Me and Salad Shooter will hold off Visser Three.  
  
**Salad Shooter**: Since when?  
  
**Rachel**, **Jake**, **Marco**, and **Cassie**:_ (leave for the windmill thing)_  
  
**Visser Three**: (_finally getting up_) Hah. Only two of you. One of those — weird things — and a Hork-Bajir.  
  
**Salad Shooter**: Not just any Hork-Bajir. _The_ Hork-Bajir.  
  
**Visser Three**: What are you talking about?  
  
**Salad Shooter**: You'll see.  
  
**Visser Three**: Aren't you going to fight me?  
  
**Tobias**: Yes.  
  
**Salad Shooter**: No.  
  
**Tobias**: YES.  
  
**Salad Shooter**: NO.  
  
**Tobias**: YES!  
  
**Salad Shooter**: NO!  
  
**Tobias**: What's Ax doing?  
  
**Salad Shooter**: We'd better go check before he gets indigestion.  
  
**Tobias**: How can a living vacuum cleaner get indigestion.  
  
**Salad Shooter**: Noo-noo did, once. He sneezed it out in a fluffy pink cloud.  
  
**Tobias**: (_sarcastically_) Cute. Now remind me why you like this show.  
  
**Salad Shooter**: It's fun.  
  
**Tobias**: It's weird.  
  
**Salad Shooter**: You eat weird for breakfast now.  
  
**Tobias**: Change that to "Weird eats _us_ for breakfast." And he's about to do it now.  
  
**Salad Shooter**: Uh-oh.  
  
**Tobias**: (_making a break for the Tubbytronic Superdome_) Run!  
  
**Salad Shooter**: (_following him_) Duh!  
  
**Salad Shooter**: (_gets ahead of Tobias_)  
  
**Tobias**: Stupid suit.  
  
**Salad Shooter**: I take that offensively.  
  
**Tobias** and **Salad Shooter**: (_wait for Superdome door to open, then run inside_)  
  
_-Door closes, leaving Visser Three outside.-_  
  
**Visser Three**: (_banging on door_) Hey! You can't leave me out here!  
  
**Salad Shooter** and **Tobias**: We can't?  
  
**Visser Three**: That's not funny!  
  
**Salad Shooter**: I take that offensively.  
  
**Tobias**: You already said that.  
  
**Salad Shooter**: Yes, I did.  
  
**Ax**: Hello Tobias. Would you like some tubby toast?  
  
**Tobias**: Well ...  
  
**Salad Shooter**: I could use a snack.  
  
**Salad Shooter**: (goes over to punch the toast machine button)  
  
**tubby toast machine**: ding _ding_ Ding DING _DING!!!_ Errnnhh! WhooOOoooopp! Errnnhh! WhooOOOOoop!  
  
_-Two pieces of tubby toast land on Tinky Winky's plate.-_  
  
**Salad Shooter**: Tobias? Want some?  
  
**Tobias**: Why not.  
  
**Ax**: I want some.  
  
**Salad Shooter**: Duh duh duh, duh duh duh, duh —  
  
**Tobias**: No singing at the table.  
  
**Salad Shooter**: Since when is that a rule?  
  
**Tobias**: Since right now.  
  
**Ax**: (_operates tubby toast machine_)  
  
**toast machine**: (_makes various noises similar to above onomatopoeias_)  
  
**Salad Shooter**: I wonder if I spelled that right.  
  
**Tobias**: Spelled what?  
  
**Salad Shooter**: Onomatopoeias.  
  
**Tobias**: Oookay. Never mind.  
  
**Visser Three**: I want some!  
  
**Tobias**: He wants some onomatopoieas?  
  
**Salad Shooter**: Don't make me type that word again.  
  
**Visser Three**: No, you idiots, some toast.  
  
**Tobias**: You can't have any!  
  
**Salad Shooter**: Specially not as Andalite. Morph human.  
  
**Tobias**: Why'd you tell him to do that?!  
  
**Salad Shooter**: It's not like he wouldn't have figured it out anyway. Wait, he probably wouldn't have.  
  
**Visser Three**: I take that offensively!  
  
**Salad Shooter**: That's my line!  
  
**Visser Three**: I know.  
  
**Salad Shooter**: You are a pain in both tail blades.  
  
**Tobias**: So why do you keep sticking up for him?  
  
**Salad Shooter**: I'm still trying to figure that out.  
  
**Tobias**: You're helpful.  
  
**Salad Shooter**: That's my line.  
  
**Tobias**: I haven't heard you say it yet.  
  
**Salad Shooter**: So what? It's still my line!  
  
**Visser Three**: (_comes sliding down Superdome slide, in human morph_)  
  
**Salad Shooter**: That is so stupid-looking. I mean, even for a morphing outfit, it's stupid looking.  
  
**Visser Three**: I take that —  
  
**Salad Shooter**: (_calmly_) Say "offensively" and I don't care if you're my favorite character, I'll kick your —  
  
**Jake**, **Marco**, **Rachel**, and **Cassie**: (_come sliding down the Superdome slide, in that order_) Eh-oh!  
  
**Salad Shooter**: Hi guys.  
  
**Tobias**: Uh, eh-oh. Why do they say eh-oh?  
  
**Salad Shooter**: It's more fun than hello.  
  
**Marco**: Then why don't they just say "hey"?  
  
**Salad Shooter**: Because hay is for horses.  
  
**Ax**: I am not a horse, although in some aspects I closely resemble one, but not at the moment.  
  
**Visser Three**: What is going on here?  
  
**Rachel**: People are finally talking on your level, Visser.  
  
**Salad Shooter**: Hey!  
  
**Rachel**: Are you offended because we're dissing the visser or Teletubbies?  
  
**Salad Shooter**: Well ... would you believe me if I said both?  
  
**Rachel**: Uh ... yeah.  
  
**Marco**: Duh.  
  
**Salad Shooter**: (_singing_) Duh duh, duh duh, duh —  
  
**Marco**: Is that the _Pink Panther_ theme song?  
  
**Salad Shooter**: Yeah. I mean, I think so. Yeah, it is. I think.  
  
**Marco**: That's —  
  
**Salad Shooter**: (_warningly_) Don't say "helpful", Dipsy. Just ... don't.  
  
**Ellimist**: TIME FOR TUBBY BYE-BYE. TIME FOR TUBBY BYE-BYE.  
  
**Salad Shooter**: Nooooooooooooooo!  
  
**Visser Three**: (_to Salad Shooter_) Can I go home now?  
  
**Salad Shooter**: No!  
  
**Visser Three**: (_takes Salad Shooter's tubby toast and throws it at her, then demorphs and escapes with all of Ax's leftover tubby toast_)  
  
**Ax**: Beep beep. Sluuuuurrrrppyyyyyy.  
  
**Salad Shooter**: Oh well, Ax was full anyway.  
  
**Ax**: More. More.  
  
**Tobias**: Shut. Up.  
  
**Jake**: Yes! We can go home and not have our lives ruled by Salad Shooter!  
  
**Salad Shooter**: Well ... actually, since K.A. Applegate is not writing your books anymore — guess who's taking over?  
  
**Cassie**: (_looking up at the ceiling_) Please don't let it be her. Please don't let it be her.  
  
**Salad Shooter**: It's me.  
  
**Jake**, **Tobias**, **Marco**, **Rachel**, **Cassie**, **Ax**, the **Ellimist**, **Erek**, and **Visser Three**: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! 


	2. Crazier!

****

CAST:

Purple Tinky Winky-Jake

Blue Tinky Winky-Tobias

Dipsy-Marco

Laa-Laa-Rachel

Po-Cassie

Noo-noo-Ax

Narrator-Ellimist

Director-Salad Shooter

------------------------------------------------------

****

Ellimist: ONE DAY IN TELETUBBYLAND, SOMETHING APPEARED FROM FAR AWAY.

****

Salad Shooter: Laa-Laa, you're supposed to say "Ooooh."

****

Rachel: Ooooh.

****

Jake: That looks suspiciously familiar.

****

Rachel: Yeah, I know.

****

Jake: (warningly) Salad Shooter ... 

****

Salad Shooter: What?

****

Jake: What is that?

****

Salad Shooter: I kind of stole it.

****

Jake: From where?

****

Salad Shooter: You know, Book #14?

****

Jake: Huh?

****

Cassie: Zone 91, remember?

****

Jake: Salad Shooter!

****

Salad Shooter: What?

****

Jake: You stole the Andalite Port-o-let from Zone 91?!

****

Salad Shooter: It was Dipsy's idea.

****

Rachel: Marco!

****

Marco: What?

****

Salad Shooter: Invasion of the Whats.

****

Tobias: Shut up.

****

Salad Shooter: No.

****

Rachel: Marco, YOU gave Salad Shooter the idea to steal that Andalite Johnny-on-the-Spot?

****

Marco: Who, me?

****

Rachel: Yes, you.

****

Marco: Yes.

****

Cassie: How did you get through that place's security?

****

Salad Shooter: I used my special powers.

****

Tobias: You mean you annoyed the guards to death?

****

Salad Shooter: (warningly) Tinky Winky ... 

****

Jake: Isn't this supposed to be a show for two-year-olds? I didn't think that alien toilets appearing from far away was part of the deal.

****

Salad Shooter: Didn't you ever see the Boom-Boom Dance one?

****

Marco: Oh, yeah.

****

Rachel: Dipsy ... 

****

Marco: What?

****

Rachel: Never mind.

****

Marco: What?

****

Rachel: Dipsy?

****

Marco: Yes, Laa-Laa.

****

Rachel: Shut. Up.

****

Marco: (turning to Salad Shooter) I had a premonition she'd say that.

****

Rachel: I said shut up.

****

Marco: IwillnotshutupIwillnotshutupIwillnotshutup — 

****

Rachel: (sits on Marco) SHUT. UP.

****

Cassie: Rachel, please don't kill Marco.

****

Rachel: Why not?

****

Ellimist: FINALLY, THERE'S A BREAK IN THE CONVERSATION. ANYWAY, SOMETHING APPEARED FROM FAR AWAY. IT WAS A — 

****

Rachel: WE KNOW WHAT IT IS!!!

****

Ellimist: I'M THE ONLY ONE ALLOWED TO TALK IN CAPITAL LETTERS.

****

Tobias: Since when?

****

Cassie: Actually, you're supposed to be talking in small caps.

****

Ellimist: TOO BAD.

****

Salad **Shooter**: Small caps doesn't work.

****

Tobias: Where's Ax?

****

Salad **Shooter**: Where do you think?

****

Tobias: In the house.

****

Salad **Shooter**: It's called the Tubbytronic Superdome.

****

Tobias: Whatever. And he's probably eating tubby toast and tubby custard.

****

Cassie: Can I see the script?

****

Salad **Shooter**: No.

****

Rachel: Too bad. (kicks Salad Shooter)

****

Salad **Shooter**: Oof. (falls over)

****

Rachel: (snatches script from Salad Shooter)

****

Salad **Shooter**: Hey!

****

Cassie: Okay. The Ellimist says "One day in Teletubbyland ... blah blah blah ... " Why is that the only thing on the script?

****

Salad **Shooter**: (dazed) Cause that's when you're supposed to get mad at me and Dipsy for stealing the Andalite toilet. (sits up)

****

Cassie: Yeah, but then what's supposed to happen?

****

Salad **Shooter**: Uh ... what do you think?

****

Jake: You didn't.

****

Salad **Shooter**: Didn't what?

****

Jake: You didn't ask Visser Three to come here again.

****

Salad **Shooter**: What did you think?

****

Tobias: Why do you keep saying that?

****

Salad **Shooter**: It's my new phrase. I've added it to my collection of copyrighted lines.

****

Marco: Ah.

****

Cassie: Did you ask Visser Three to come here again?

****

Marco: Who, me?

****

Rachel: No duh, she's talking to Salad Shooter.

****

Salad **Shooter**: She is?

****

Cassie: _Yes_, I am. Now answer my question.

****

Salad **Shooter**: What did you say?

****

Cassie: Did you ask Visser Three to come here again?!

****

Salad **Shooter**: No.

****

Tobias: Good.

****

Salad **Shooter**: I _told_ him to come here.

****

Marco: Oh. No.

****

Salad **Shooter**: What's your problem, Dipsy?

****

Rachel: Hey, Marco's not the one who has problems. I mean, he is, but — 

****

Marco: Hey!

****

Tobias: What she means is, look who's talking.

****

Salad **Shooter**: About what?

****

Tobias: You have a very convenient way of avoiding the subject.

****

Salad **Shooter**: Thank you, Tinky Winky.

****

Jake: We have trouble.

****

Salad **Shooter**: Yay! Visser Three's here!

****

Visser **Three**: Yes, I'm HERE. Now pay up.

****

Salad **Shooter**: What?

****

Jake: What?

****

Visser **Three**: (to Jake) It was part of our deal. She owes me six truckloads of tubby toast.

****

Salad **Shooter**: Did I say that?

****

Visser **Three**: (to Salad Shooter) You also owe me nineteen thousand cups of tubby custard.

****

Salad **Shooter**: I don't have any cups. Or trucks.

****

Visser **Three**: Then get some.

****

Salad **Shooter**: (goes back to Tubbytronic Superdome)

****

Visser **Three**: (to Jake) In the meantime, can we have a fight?

****

Rachel: (leaps at Visser Three) Yeah!

****

Marco: Cool it, Laa-Laa.

****

Rachel: Shut up Dipsy and help me.

****

Cassie: Didn't you say the exact same thing last time?

****

Marco: (to Rachel) Okay. (sits on Visser Three) But I'm not doing anything more.

****

Visser **Three**: Mmmph mmmph.

****

Rachel: Huh?

****

Cassie: Marco's sitting on you is not supposed to affect your thought-speaking abilities.

****

Visser **Three**: It was in the script.

****

Cassie: No it's not. I saw the script.

****

Visser **Three**: Second page.

****

Cassie: I don't have the second page.

****

Visser **Three**: Why not?

****

Cassie: Rachel — Laa-Laa — only took the first page of the script from Salad Shooter.

****

Rachel: Yeah. Po's right. Salad Shooter has the rest of the script.

****

Visser **Three**: Okay. Now tell this big green fuzzy thing to get off me.

****

Marco: I'm not getting off.

****

Visser **Three**: GET OFF!

****

Marco: No.

****

Visser **Three**: You're a real source of agitation.

****

Rachel: You got that right.

****

Marco: Hey!

~**_Meanwhile, back at the Superdome_**~

****

Salad **Shooter**: Hey Ax.

****

Ax: Hello Salad Shooter. Ssshhhoooooo-ter. I like the shh sound.

****

Salad **Shooter**: Yeah. Me too. Having fun eating tubby toast?

****

Ax: Yes.

****

Salad **Shooter**: Yeah. Don't eat too much, okay? I owe Visser Three three truckloads.

****

Ax: It was six truckloads.

****

Salad Shooter: How do you know that?

****

Ax: Plot hole. A deliberate plot hole, so that I could correct you and make you look like an idiot.

****

Salad Shooter: What? That was not in the script!

****

Ax: What did I say?

****

Salad Shooter: Ooooooookay.

****

Ax: (changing the subject) Why do you owe Visser Three six truckloads?

****

Salad **Shooter**: In exchange for him coming to Teletubbyland again.

****

Ax: Do you mean ... he's here?

****

Salad **Shooter**: Yeah, he's here. Duh.

****

Ax: (rushes out the Superdome door)

****

Salad Shooter: (yelling after him) I'll join you as soon as I get the trucks and cups and toast and custard!

****

Ax: (yelling back) Yeah, right.

****

Salad **Shooter**: (to the now-closed Superdome door) Since when did you start using human lingo?

****

Now-Closed **Superdome** **Door**: I didn't. That was Ax.

****

Salad **Shooter**: I know, stupid. Wait ... you can't talk!

****

Superdome **Door**: What do you call the thing I'm doing now?

****

Salad **Shooter**: Being a pain in the butt.

****

Superdome Door: I see.

****

Salad Shooter: And you CAN'T talk. You're not in the cast list.

****

Superdome **Door**: I don't care.

****

Salad **Shooter**: You're not even an Animorphs character.

****

Superdome **Door**: Yes, I am.

****

Salad **Shooter**: Yeah, right.

****

Erek **the** **Chee**: (drops hologram of the Superdome Door) See?

****

Salad **Shooter**: You're still not in the cast list.

****

Erek: I don't care.

****

Salad **Shooter**: Shut up, you high-tech pooch-bot.

****

Erek: I take that offensively.

****

Salad **Shooter**: That's my line. And I thought you were supposed to turn off the windmill.

****

Erek: I told you last time I couldn't find the stupid switch.

****

Salad **Shooter**: That's helpful.

****

Erek: You're welcome.

****

Salad **Shooter**: I was being sarcastic.

****

Erek: I know.

~**_Meanwhile, back outside_**~

****

Rachel: (are beating up Visser Three)

****

Visser **Three**: Ow.

****

Ellimist: THIS IS GOING NOWHERE.

****

Tobias: It's Teletubbies. It never goes anywhere.

****

Marco: I take that offensively.

****

Tobias: That's Salad Shooter's line.

****

Marco: I knew that.

****

Visser **Three**: (whips his tail)

****

Jake: When is he going to figure out that he can't kill them?

****

Tobias: Never.

****

Jake: Good point.

****

Cassie: He could always morph.

****

Jake: Shhh!

****

Cassie: He can't hear me.

****

Visser **Three**: (is growing larger)

****

Tobias: Uh ... Jake? Cassie? Look.

****

Visser **Three**: (is still growing larger)

****

Cassie: Oops.

****

Rachel: What is he morphing?

****

Visser **Three**: (keeps morphing)

****

Marco: Oh. _That's_ what he's morphing.

****

Cassie: He's morphing a Teletubby!

~~~_commercial break_~~~

****

Rachel: Why is he morphing a Teletubby?

****

Ax: (just now arriving) Why are there five Teletubbies here?

****

Marco: I didn't think they came in that color.

****

Ax: I have never seen a black Teletubby.

****

Jake: Who cares what color he is! Why is he morphing a Teletubby?

****

Visser **Three**: Good question.

****

Ellimist: (looks guilty)

****

Visser **Three**: WHAT DID YOU DO??!!! I WASN'T TRYING TO MORPH THIS ... THING!!!

****

Ellimist: I SAID I WAS THE ONLY ONE ALLOWED TO TALK IN CAPS.

****

Visser **Three**: OH, REALLY???

****

Ellimist: STOP YELLING.

****

Visser **Three**: IT'S THE ONLY WAY MY WORDS APPEAR IN CAPS!!!!!!

****

Ellimist: (covers ears)

****

Visser **Three**: I'm THOUGHT-SPEAKING, you idiot. You can't cover your ears ... and wait a minute. You don't have ears! You don't have a body right now, stupid!

****

Ellimist: WATCH IT, OR YOU'LL BE STUCK IN THAT MORPH!

****

Jake: Why is he a black Teletubby?

****

Rachel: I thought you were the one who was sayin' "Who cares what color he is!"

****

Ellimist: (ignoring Rachel) SO HE CAN LOOK SCARY. HE IS THE ANTAGONIST HERE.

****

Jake: (to both Rachel and the Ellimist) Oh.

****

Visser **Three**: Hey, cool! I look scary!

****

Ellimist: I CAN CHANGE THAT, YOU KNOW.

****

Visser **Three**: (turns into a pink Teletubby) Hey!

****

Tobias: He looks scarier now.

****

Visser **Three**: I do?

****

Tobias: Yep.

****

Visser **Three**: Really?

****

Tobias: Yep.

****

Marco: Why are you saying "yep" so much?

****

Tobias: Yep.

****

Marco: Tobias!

****

Tobias: Yep.

****

Marco: TINKY WINKY!!!

****

Ellimist: IN LOWERCASE, PLEASE, DIPSY.

****

Tobias: What, Dipsy?

****

Marco: Oh, I hate you.

****

Visser Three: That's my line, Dipsy!

****

Salad Shooter: That's my line, Visser Three!

****

Visser **Three**: (singing, while ignoring Salad Shooter) I look scary! I look scary!

****

Jake: You're pink.

****

Visser **Three**: Tobias said it looked scary!

****

Jake: He's an idiot.

****

Tobias: Hey!

****

Rachel: (jumps on Jake)

****

Jake: I was just saying that for Visser Three. I didn't mean it!

****

Rachel: (gets up)

****

Visser **Three**: See? I DO look scary!

****

Ax: This is insane.

****

Marco: That's my line.

****

Tobias: And that's Salad Shooter's line.

****

Marco: Salad Shooter isn't here!

****

Salad **Shooter**: (just now arriving) Yes I am!

****

Cassie: Uh-oh.

****

Visser **Three**: Where's my toast and custard?!

****

Salad **Shooter**: Ax ate it all.

****

Visser **Three**: (tries to beat up on Ax)

****

Ax: (sarcastically) Oh, that hurt.

****

Marco: Oh, NOW you get sarcasm.

****

Salad **Shooter**: Where'd he get it?

****

Rachel: From Marco.

****

Salad **Shooter**: That's a weird name for a store ... From Marco. How much did it cost?

****

Marco: (stares blankly at Salad Shooter) The store? Or me?

****

Rachel: No duh. She's talking about you.

****

Marco: Huh? She is?

****

Salad **Shooter**: No duh. The sarcasm.

****

Marco: (still staring blankly)

****

Rachel: Hah! Marco didn't get a joke.

****

Marco: What joke?

****

Rachel: It was a really dumb joke, but still ... 

****

Salad **Shooter**: I take that offensively.

****

Visser **Three**: Why is _that_ here?

****

Salad **Shooter**: What?

****

Jake: The Andalite Port-a-John.

****

Salad **Shooter**: Oh.

****

Ax: What _is_ it doing here?

****

Cassie: (shrugs) It appeared from far away.

****

Ax: It did?

****

Ellimist: I AM THE NARRATOR HERE. IF I SAY IT DID, THEN IT DID.

****

Salad **Shooter**: That's how it always works on Teletubbies. The stupid narrator gets to dictate everything that happens.

****

Marco: Maybe that should change.

****

Salad **Shooter**: No "maybe" about it. I'm thinking of calling up the show. Not that they'll listen to me ... it'd be funny if they had an "off" switch for the narrator.

****

Vaguely **Familiar** **Fake-Spooky** **Voice**: They do.

****

Marco: Maybe they should get a smart narrator instead of a stupid narrator.

****

Salad **Shooter**: (to the Voice) What?

****

Cassie: Who said that?

****

Visser **Three**: (muttering darkly) Or _what_ said that?

****

Marco: Me. I said, "Maybe they should get a smart narrator instead of a stupid narrator." You know, cause Salad Shooter said, "The stupid narrator gets to dictate everything that happens." ... Oh, forget it.

****

Cassie: (exasperated) No. Who said "They do"?

****

Marco: Ah. Someone who's getting married.

****

Visser **Three**: (excitedly) To me?

****

Marco: No duh.

****

Visser **Three**: Rats.

****

Cassie: The voice was female.

****

Visser **Three**: It was? Hey, cool.

****

Marco: Not a chance, fancy pants.

****

Salad **Shooter**: What?

****

Marco: It just popped into my head to say that.

****

Salad **Shooter**: But — but that's _my_ line!

****

Marco: Oh no, another of your famous lines.

****

Salad **Shooter**: You stole my line!

****

Marco: That sounds like a song I heard somewhere.

****

Vaguely **Familiar** **Fake-Spooky** **Female** **Voice**: (singing) You stole my line, you stole my line — 

****

Marco: No, that's not how it went.

****

Visser **Three**: Hey, the voice sings good!

****

Voice: Thank you, Visser Three.

****

Rachel: (to Visser Three) Since when did you start saying hey?

****

Jake: You just noticed? He's been saying it a lot.

****

Rachel: I KNOW!

****

Ellimist: STOP TALKING IN CAPS.

****

Rachel: I CAN TALK IN CAPS IF I WANT TO!

****

Voice: I CAN TALK IN CAPS WITHOUT YELLING. SO THERE.

****

Visser **Three**: Okay, you're cool ... whoever you are.

****

Rachel: You have been using way too much human slang.

****

Marco: How do you define too much?

****

Rachel: (thinks that over) You don't, actually. Unless you're _him_.

****

Visser **Three**: I take that offensively.

****

Salad **Shooter**: That's my line!

****

Visser **Three**: Oh, go cry about it.

****

Salad **Shooter**: That's my line too!

****

Visser **Three**: You are one insane Hork-Bajir.

****

Voice: I assume you were talking about Salad Shooter:

****

Visser **Three**: Duh. She's the only Hork-Bajir here.

****

Rachel: (gives Visser Three a look)

****

Visser **Three**: What? It's my favorite human expression.

****

Jake: (rolls eyes)

****

Salad **Shooter**: (to Visser Three) I am?

****

Voice: Can I have some tubby toast?

****

Salad **Shooter**: Ax ate it all.

****

Voice: Aw, man.

****

Salad **Shooter**: Darn it. I have director's block.

****

Rachel: Excuse me? _Director's_ block? You're supposed to have a script!

****

Salad **Shooter**: The voice stole it.

****

Voice: I did not.

****

Salad **Shooter**: Yes, you did. Back at the Superdome.

****

Voice: No, that was Erek.

****

Erek: (appearing) Was not.

****

Voice: Was too.

****

Erek: Was not.

****

Voice: Was too.

****

Erek: Was not.

****

Salad **Shooter**: Was too.

****

Erek: Hey! You were saying it was ... ahem ... the Voice's fault before.

****

Salad **Shooter**: Yeah, but I like T — the Voice better than you.

****

Erek: Hey!

****

Salad **Shooter**: The Voice is my friend.

****

Erek: And I'm not?

****

Voice: (to Salad Shooter) You promised not to reveal my identity!

****

Salad **Shooter**: It was an ACCIDENT! And I DIDN'T SAY IT!

****

Voice: Yeah, but you ALMOST did.

****

Jake: Did anyone notice that ninety percent of this whole thing is argument?

****

Salad **Shooter**: Lawyertubbies.

****

Jake: _Ani_LawyerTubbies.

****

Salad **Shooter**: Yeah.

****

Voice: Let's sing something.

****

Marco: Yeah.

****

Salad **Shooter**: (singing) Celebrate good times come on!

****

Marco: Nah, not that song.

****

Salad **Shooter**: Come on Marco. (starts singing again, louder this time) Celebrate good times — 

****

Rachel: SHUT UP!

****

Salad **Shooter**: That's not how it goes.

****

Tobias: (singing) Celebrate good times shut up!

****

Rachel: Oh no. Salad Shooter, you're brainwashing Tobias.

****

Tobias: (still singing) Celebrate good times shut up!

****

Cassie: This is insane.

****

Marco: That's my line, Po.

****

Salad **Shooter**: That's my line, Dipsy!

****

Ax: (singing) Tinky Winkyyyyy, Dipsyyy, Laa-Laaaa, Po — 

****

Marco: Oh. NO.

****

Ellimist: STOP TALKING IN CAPS, DIPSY!

****

Ax: (still singing) Teletubbieeees, Teletubbieeeeees, saaaaayyy heeellooo!

****

Voice: HEY, ELLIMIST, I'M TALKING IN CAPS.

****

Ellimist: How are you doing that?

****

Voice: I'M ONE OF THE AUTHOR'S FAVORITE CHARACTERS. I GET SPECIAL PRIVILEGES, YOU KNOW.

****

Visser **Three**: But I'm Salad Shooter's number one favorite character! Why don't I get to talk in caps?

****

Tobias: Yeah, and I'm Salad Shooter's favorite Animorph!

****

Salad **Shooter**: Tobias, you can talk in caps.

****

Tobias: I can?

****

Salad **Shooter**: Uh-huh. You just haven't tried yet.

****

Tobias: COOL.

****

Visser **Three**: Then why can't I talk in caps?

****

Salad **Shooter**: Because I like to annoy my number one favorite character.

****

Visser **Three**: Do you annoy Tinky Winky on Teletubbies? The real Tinky Winky, not Jake or Tobias.

****

Jake: Suddenly Visser Three knows what a Teletubby is.

****

Salad **Shooter**: (to Visser Three) No, I don't ... 

****

Jake: Then why can't I talk in caps?

****

Visser **Three**: (ignoring Jake) Hey, that's not fair! He's your number one favorite on Teletubbies! Why do you annoy him and not me?

****

Salad **Shooter**: I really should start annoying Tinky Winky though ... 

****

Jake and **Tobias**: Don't even think about it.

****

Salad **Shooter**: The REAL Tinky Winky, you idiots.

****

Jake and **Tobias**: Hey!

****

Visser **Three**: (to Salad Shooter) Good.

****

Salad **Shooter**: Oh. I know why I annoy you and I don't annoy Tinky Winky: You like to annoy me. He doesn't.

****

Visser **Three**: I hate you.

****

Salad **Shooter**: Hey, I'm one of the few Animorph fans who doesn't hate you.

****

Visser **Three**: I still hate you.

****

Salad **Shooter**: No. You don't.

****

Cassie: I just figured it out. If the voice is one of the author's favorite characters ... well, Salad Shooter has four favorite characters.

****

Salad **Shooter**: Five. I just added the Ellimist recently.

****

Cassie: Okay, five. And four of those are male. Visser Three, Elfangor, Tobias, and now the Ellimist.

****

Marco: Visser Three's a male? Could have fooled me.

****

Visser **Three**: (kicks Marco to the other side of Teletubbyland) Serves you right. (starts muttering) Just because I'm pink ... 

****

Cassie: If the Voice is a female, then she must be — 

****

Voice: Shut up.

****

Cassie: Why?

****

Voice: OOPS, FORGOT TO TALK IN CAPS. I MEANT, SHUT UP. AND BECAUSE YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE WHO KNOWS ALL FIVE OF SALAD SHOOTER'S FAVORITE CHARACTERS BESIDES ME.

****

Cassie: Oh.

****

Ellimist: TIME FOR TUBBY BYE-BYE. TIME FOR TUBBY BYE-BYE.

****

Salad **Shooter**: Why?

****

Ellimist: BECAUSE I AM SICK OF THIS.

****

Salad **Shooter**: Fine, I'm suffering from major director's block.

****

Visser Three,** Ellimist**, **Ax**,** Jake**, **Tobias**, **Marco**, **Rachel**, and **Cassie**: (sarcastically) Aww.

****

Marco: We're being sarcastic.

****

Salad **Shooter**: Doesn't take a rocket scientist to guess that.

****

Marco: Okay, just wanted to clarify.

****

Ellimist: BYE-BYE, TINKY WINKY.

****

Jake: Bye-bye.

****

Tobias: BYE-BYE.

****

Jake: You really are taking advantage of your privilege, aren't you Tobias?

****

Tobias: SO IS THE VOICE.

****

Ellimist: BYE-BYE, DIPSY.

****

Marco: (singing) Bye bye bye!

****

Jake: Stop. I hate N Sync.

****

Marco: Too bad.

****

Ellimist: DIPSY! YOU MESSED IT UP. BYE-BYE, TINKY WINKY.

****

Jake and **Tobias**: BYE-BYE.

****

Salad **Shooter**: Jake! How come you're talking in caps?

****

Jake: If I talk at the same time as Tobias, or the Ellimist, or the Voice, I can talk in caps.

****

Ellimist: BYE-BYE, DIPSY.

****

Marco: (relenting) Bye-bye.

****

Ellimist: BYE-BYE, LAA-LAA.

****

Rachel: (grumpily) Bye-bye.

****

Ellimist: BYE-BYE, PO.

****

Cassie: Bye-bye.

****

Ellimist: THE SUN IS SETTING IN THE SKY. TELETUBBIES SAY GOOD-BYE.

****

Tobias: (darkly) FOR NOW.

****

Salad **Shooter**: Stay tuned for the next episode of AniTubbies. Now you guys have to jump into that hole on top of the Superdome.

****

Jake and **Tobias**: BYE-BYE. (jump into the Superdome)

****

Marco: Bye-bye. (jumps into the Superdome)

****

Rachel: Bye-bye. (jumps into the Superdome)

****

Cassie: Bye-bye. (jumps into the Superdome)

****

Visser Three: BYE-BYE!!! (jumps into the Superdome)

****

Salad **Shooter**: Bye-bye!

****

Ellimist: YOU ARE NOT A TELETUBBY!

****

Salad **Shooter**: Well, Visser Three's not one of the Teletubbies ... not one of the ones on the show anyway.

****

Visser Three: (yelling from inside the Superdome) Well, maybe that should change. There should be a fifth Teletubby! The pink, scary-looking Teletubby! Me!

****

Salad Shooter: That's our resident egomaniac.

****

Visser Three: Now all I need is a Teletubbyish name.

****

Salad Shooter: Uh Visser ... you better demorph if you don't wanna be a pink Teletubby _nothlit_.

****

Visser Three: (demorphs) You're right.

****

Salad Shooter: Hah! Visser Three said I was right! I'm cool.

****

Visser Three: Shut up.

****

Voice: SALAD SHOOTER ... YOU ARE WEIRD.

****

Salad Shooter: And you _just now noticed that_?

****

Visser Three and the **Voice**: NO.

****

Salad Shooter: I thought so.

________________

****

Chappie 3 up soon ... :)


End file.
